Bad Day on the Ground

Sometimes, like right now, having a bad day is a relief. I’ve had so many amazing, inspiring days since I began this experience that I was worried that I was floating on something too good to be solid, and that the bubble would burst and I would fall through into a nightmare. Today was challenging (a good thing) and exhausting (also a good thing). I made so many mistakes (a good thing in the long run), and some students even got mad at me because I was teaching so poorly. To be fair to myself, it was my first “real” day of teaching, and although I thought I was SO PREPARED, I was soooo UNprepared. Teaching in the inner city seems like, on a day like today, a sleeping monster who dreams about slipping a nasty claw or a slobbery fang in between your carefully crafted lessons and preparations to subtly unhitch your whole class, but then who wakes up and tramples through your meek “lesson plan” and sends the whole class swan diving into chaos.

I don’t know how this is a relief, but it is. It affirms everything that I always told myself and others: that I don’t know how to teach in the city. I’m not from the hood, don’t how to teach kids from the hood, but I’m here because I want. to. learn. I’m here to learn. To make mistakes (check) and then turn and mull them over like a watch repairman, finding what makes them tick--or sipping and wafting my mistakes like a wine connoisseur does a well-aerated Cabernet Sauvignon, appreciating all the subtle ingredients and complex overtones. The mistakes help me learn, guide my reflections, and keep me grounded. I need to make sure that this experience is on the ground, not in the clouds.

Today’s big mistakes: Planned too much for 45 minutes. Let students who were late slow me down and hold up the rest of the class. Made poor transitions. Conducted a teacher-directed rather than student-directed lesson. Tried to poor out starch water from pot using the lid instead of a collander and dumped half a pound of pasta into my sink.

Safe to say: I am grounded.